BAD JOBS + This Week's Sign of the Apocalypse

Jobs That Sound Really Good, Until You Actually Have Them

1. Mayor of Los Angeles
You have no power over the school system, no power over the city's hospitals and for your budget you're dependant on the political whims of 12 very powerful city councilpeople who all (foolishly) think they want your job. And yet, you'll take all the heat if the schools suck, the hospitals are bad and the gridlock doesn't get any better. And to top it all off, half the city thinks you're not really their mayor because they live in "Sherman Oaks", "Hollywood" or "Van Nuys". Good luck, Antonio Villaraigosa...

2. President, UPN Network - some of these are self-explanatory.

3. Howard Dean's Victory Party Coordinator

4. Manager, Colorado Rockies - at least Denver is a great city to live in...

5. Governor of Texas - see #1, except substitute "state legislature" for "city councilpeople". At least Austin is a great city to live in. And who knows, you could be President some day (see #6).

6. President of the United States
Look, all politics aside, this is not a great job. Sure, you have real power (despite what all of those jealous Europeans might think, you really are leader of the free world). And you can make a real positive impact on world history if circumstances and character permit (see Roosevelt, Franklin D. or Lincoln, Abraham, just to name two). But you're ridiculously underpaid (consider for instance that baseball player Alex Rodriguez of the Yankees makes more in two months than the President does all year. Or, to make it worse, that Paris Hilton made more money to strip and act badly in House of Wax than Bush or Clinton made in four years in the job.) You spend the first four years in a constant reelection cycle, either trying to set up your second term or helping your partymates win elections in lower offices. And no matter how hard you try, your presidency will almost certainly be made or broken only after you face your first crisis, probably some horrible incident that no normal person would want to ever have to deal with. For the stress level involved, the power really just isn't worth it. Which is why only rich megalomaniacs who are either a) tools of big business or b) doomed idealogues are the only people who can even run for the office these days.

7. Co-executive producer of the (Dave) Chappelle Show - Maalox is a requirement. As is patience.

8. Britney Spears and Kevin Federline's housekeeper

I'm sure there's a million other jobs that fit this category. Why don't you email us in the comments section of the blog and suggest some more? I'll make sure to include them in future blogs...

This Week's Sign of the Apocalypse

There are unfortunately many to choose from, but the most amazing one from this week comes from London, where an auction house is going to auction off "chimpanzee art." These paintings were done by a 2 to 4 year old chimp named Congo during the 1950s. They are expected to sell for between $1150 and $1500 a piece.

Peace now...