Thursday, July 08, 2004

BLOG 50*

Finally, John Edwards, Kerry's Clinton Substitute

After an appropriate amount of time wasted on the dog and pony show called "VP interviews", with Lilliputians like Bill Richardson, Evan Bayh and Bob Graham being paraded in front of the cameras, John Kerry earlier this week finally settled on the man we knew he'd pick to be his running mate all along, John Edwards, the "New Clinton", the cutest little moderate Southern Democrat this side of Bubba--all without the runaway penis and that intimidating Oxford education!

Seriously, Edwards can't help but energize Kerry's listing campaign. No one seems to like President Dubya all that much except die-hard right wingers and yet every poll shows the race to be a virtual dead heat. Why? Even during times of unjust war, Americans are notoriously reluctant to change leaders and frankly, since Kerry wrapped up the nomination in early April his campaign has bored a lot of people to tears.

Edwards and his people (wouldn't you like to have people too?) crafted a brilliant "Two Americas" message that resonated with middle-class voters and Kerry can use this, along with Edwards generally warmer persona, to distinguish his vision from that of the Bush Administration's. The indictment of Bush Buddy Kenneth Lay couldn't have come at a better time too, because if anyone represents that "other America" that thrives while the ordinary American suffers, it's Kenny Boy Lay.

I'm rambling here, but I'm saying, "Good job Kerry!" and now let's pick up the fight. Nothing makes my bowels more irritable than the prospect of four more years of the Fahrenheit 9/11 cabal.

(*This blog was composed during a yellow terrorist alert--as was each of the previous 49 blogs, demonstrating nothing except that perhaps the official colors of the U.S. flag should be changed to red, white, blue and yellow. Or perhaps it would simply be nice to have some specific information for once on all these alleged terrorist threats.)

Kobe Bryant, Evil Genius?

It was suggested by a fellow blogger in (forgive me, I have forgotten his name) that Kobe Bryant's recent flirtation with the Denver Nuggets might be nothing more than an attempt to cloud the minds of the Colorado jury pool, who would be less reluctant to convict the hero of the local NBA team than they would some out-of-town, spoiled sports celebrity. While the sports fan in me would like to discount this theory out of hand, I have to admit this guy makes a heck of a point. It's probably not Kobe's idea, but his lawyer's and if so it could be the masterstroke move that puts the nail in the coffin of this highly publicized case.

Unfortunately for the alleged victim, the Bryant case was never going to be about whether he was guilty or innocent. There's plenty of reasonable doubt (much more than in say, the O.J. trial) and it's possible Kobe "merely" cheated on his wife with a young, emotionally unstable local girl. A tainted jury pool, or at least one more predisposed to like Kobe than they already do, probably puts this case to rest with no one ever knowing the truth.

Guilty or not though, ask yourself this question and then think about the role pro athletes have in our society today: could you imagine going to an out-of-town city, getting your knee scoped, checking into a hotel and then one hour later having sex with a woman you've never seen before in your life? If the answer is yes, then you must be a professional athlete. If the answer is no, then you have to wonder just what went on back in Eagle County, Colorado.

It says here that Kobe Bryant will be playing for the Los Angeles Lakers next year (or maybe the Clippers) and he won't be needing a fitting for an orange jumpsuit.

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