Thursday, February 05, 2004

Boob-Related Program Activities

Michael Powell is investigating Janet Jackson's latest dance routine. Who knew he had such a deep and abiding interest in the arts? Maybe he has choreography tips for her? (How many times do I have to tell you, Janet, it's thrust, thrust, flick; thrust, thrust, flick; THEN you do the military-Hindu neck thing. Jeez.) Can't his buddy J*hn Ashcr*ft just get Janet's email address for him, so the rest of us can be spared the fake outrage? Which reminds me, Janet's revealing rhumba prolly put Ashcr*ft in the hospital. Remember, he couldn't stand in front of the statue of Justice w/o draping her uncovered breast to the tune of something like 8 large. Your tax dollars at work.

In the up-is-down, look-over-there! universe of the B*sh Administration, it makes perfect sense that we would bring the power of the federal government to bear on the boob question. Now, I would think that the boob in question would be w., but that is where I would be sorely mistaken, not to mention tragically naive. It's boob hysteria! Run for your lives! Save your children! There is a breast run amok in the streets! Of course, no one whose job it isn't to hawk a newspaper or sell airtime could give a rat's ass for the horsepuckey that passed for "entertainment" before, during, and after the Superbowl.

If it's a slow week at the FCC, might I remind Michael that in-between the wars his diddy is ushering forth as General Houseboy for some of the most vile, nefarious, dastardly ilk ever to steal the office of the presidency, only, like, 8 or so companies OWN THE WHOLE OF MEDIA. Yes, 8. Eight! And might I remind Mikey that he was in favor of EVEN FEWER companies OWNING THE WHOLE OF MEDIA!?! It's not science fiction, friends! It's so scary, it could only be the truth.

Remember, if the boob gets out, the terrorists win. Did the boob see its shadow? How many more days of winter do we have?

[I'm not even going to start on the implied sexual violence and bullshit female eye-candy aspect of all of this, nor the exceedingly misogynistic, and, frankly, dull commercials during the broadcast. I will leave this for eoe and la, who could do much better with it.]